BodyAfterBaby

As long as I have known her my partner has always been a bit over weight.

Lee Marsden, father of two
As long as I have known her my partner has always been a bit over weight. I like a full-figured woman. She had the most sensational pair of breasts, even though she was a little bit over-weight everywhere else. Since having two children those breasts have lost all their initial shape. I don’t judge her and I still love her and find her very attractive.
I can’t stand watching her expressing. I cannot look at it and I do understand that she has to do it where she feels most comfortable. I hear horror stories about guys who say ‘get out of the fucking room if you are going to do that.’ I would never do that to her. But if it is next to me on the lounge then I will watch the television because I find it off. I still want to look at her as the attractive woman that she is but expressing is one of those things that kill a bit of a spark.
There are times when she will step out of the shower and say ‘look at this; it’s really lost its shape.’ I’ll just go ‘that’s a shame.’ I am supportive but I don’t want to look and discuss those things that have happened to her body. I am happy to discuss them but I don’t want to get too involved in those discussions. Your sex life changes and you’re not having rampant sex like you were when you first met. Kids also change things. I’m up for it when she is up for it but I don’t think discussions about her body and what has changed helps build romance.
I don’t see her as different. But things have changed. At the moment we both have bad coughs and I told her how I coughed at work and brought up something chunky and how other people in the office heard it. I was like “oh no!” She said ‘Well how do you think I feel? I cough and I wet my pants.” Those kind of things surprise me, I’m not shocked, but I do think ‘wow having children has really knocked your body around.’ She had our second one without any assistance, she had a water birth, and it really knocked her body around.
I get angry when I hear about men who want to get back on the bench straight away, as I call it. I get just as angry with women who allow that. It is probably the last thing she would want to do. My partner just wasn’t into it for a while so if I was ever that horny I would rather masturbate. Having sex with someone who is not into it is not something I want to do.
I really like when a woman embraces her pregnancy. It is sexy.
Her breasts will never be the same but she does wear them proudly. I don’t think she would ever consider surgery unless they were causing back pain. That said, she has asked me if I’ll still love them when she’s using her belt to hold them up and will be able to plonk them on the table.
I do see stretch marks as good scars, a tour of duty.
Like a lot of images in the media I do think these celebrity mums put pressure on real women -- women who can’t afford a personal trainer eight hours a day or can’t afford surgery. I like to think that women today see it as a false image, unrealistic. 
I find women who have elective Caesars vanity reasons appalling because they are putting themselves and their babies at risk.
After our first baby Nicky got back to the weight before she met me. She got back to that weight because she walked everywhere, pushing the pram everywhere. She got back to that weight and was really happy about it. Also when women meet a guy they get complacent and all of a sudden you are sitting at home eating chocolate. With our second she was stuck at home and she is still carrying the weight. She has also started to get little back and neck injuries because she isn’t doing her yoga and I don’t think the extra weight is helping either. I do wish she would go and do the yoga classes. I didn’t snap at her but almost every second week she is complaining about her neck and her chiropractor is saying she needs to stretch and go to yoga. “Just go to your bloody yoga classes.”
We now fight more no question. That said we are now more in love. I get such a kick when I walk into our room and see the three of them in bed and I feel such unbelievable love for them. In my day I have been a quite a womaniser and I think I lacked a part of my emotional being and having kids has found it. I was always a bit detached in relationships because I always had an escape clause – first argument I’m out, please meet my parents I’m out – now I’m really family orientated. I couldn’t even thinking about following those urges and once I truly did believe that the only true aphrodisiac was a new woman. I still look at other women and think she is gorgeous but I would never do anything. I realize what I have. I could be a sleaze bag but I would lose this little slice of heaven, that can be hell at times, but mostly heaven.