BodyAfterBaby

Motherhood is an experience that is individual to each and every person but all new mothers need nurturing and understanding. Women measure themselves against each other and no matter what your situation is financially or socially we all differ so much and your experience is never going to reflect a friend's, a colleague's or a stranger's. What is absolutely vital is that you focus all your energy on looking after your baby and yourself in those early months. Your baby is so independently reliant on you that you should be very conscious that their needs come first but to also not neglect yourself either. You baby will need a lot of physical contact, the right food, chance to sleep, peace and a calm and safe environment. Once their needs are met then other things will flow naturally, like getting your strength back, losing the baby weight and feeling like sex again.

During those first weeks of motherhood there are so many changes taking place physically. One of the first surprises is the extent and length of bleeding after having a child. Many women think it will be like a period so are shocked when it is a lot heavier and lasts sometimes longer -- sometimes up to six weeks. Breast care and lactation is another issue because there are frequent changes, almost a weekly change. Bladders get stretched and urethras get damaged so even just peeing again after childbirth can be traumatic. Women also may see changes in their face pigmentation, experience alopecia, severe stretch marks, teeth falling out or are left with a skin apron, a nasty Caesarean scar or they may even hemorrhage. Your body is not your own for a very long time, the reason why you need to take things slowly.

Let's talk about Sex

Sex after childbirth can be no big deal for some women and a big issue for others. Many new mums may find that they will go off sex for a while, months maybe a year. It is important that a woman understands that even though she is a partner and a mother she also has very important needs of her own, especially when it comes to physical contact and sex after childbirth. A woman who has a traumatic labour may feel very differently about sex than a woman who had a three hour natural birth. You have to talk to your partner about how you are feeling so that you don't get upset or feel as though your partner is attacking you when the issue of sex arises. You need to have good communication channels open at this time so he does know how you feel. If the situation is something you feel you and your partner can't speak openly and honestly about seek professional outside advice.
Post natal depression can be caused by a number of things. There is biochemistry and hormonal involvement but it can be caused by life events. Even the responsibility of taking on a baby can cause depression and having pre-existing psychological disorders can also bring depression on. Women can get into a vicious circle when they feel they should be joyous about this new baby when in fact they are grieving the way they used to be, having the freedom that they once had and the body they once had. They then feel down and then feel even more down about not feeling joyous. The vicious circle begins and that can lead to anxiety and depression disorders.
The first piece of advice a psychologist will give women is that it's quite natural to feel down. Then work out how to normalise their life as much as possible. You don't need to be with the baby 100 per cent of the time. You can have the child babysat so you can go and spend time with your partner, exercise or go out with friends. Also take the baby out with you to meet friends and don't be embarrassed when it cries. It is about normalising your lifestyle and trying to keep the lifestyle they had as much as possible and incorporate the baby into that lifestyle. Don't live a life just for the baby -- that is very, very important.
If a woman has been very image conscious in the past then her post baby-weight can be quite a shock for them and can exacerbate, if not cause, depression. Women can get quite confused because they have this beautiful baby but feel terrible about themselves and how could that be? Try to put things in perspective and be rational about body image vs. motherhood.
We seem to make such a big deal about baby weight and it is pretty simple but not easy. Don't put on too much weight when you are pregnant and when you have the baby eat a healthy balance diet and take your time getting back into full-on regular exercise and look at a 12 month period not a three month period. It is not a race. Also restricting your diet when breast feeding isn't a great idea as it can affect the quality and quantity of your milk.
It's really important for you to see your weight loss as a challenge rather than a problem. One of the greatest things about having children is that they take the focus of you and expose us all to a new and exciting world viewed through their eyes.